for you

for you

i.
now we know love as suffered joy
that greets pain as a noble friend
at the door
of the heart's holiest chamber.
comes day, again,
accidental next of yesterday,
foreshadow of another tomorrow,
to be crimped and cut by moments
and sweet afternoons,
unfolded and refolded
like paper dolls,
holding hands
dangling out our days
to grow old together apart,
knowing what we have
and what we have not
on balance 
in the treasury of the heart.

ii.
what is my heart but the human portal
of my singular spark,
transient of this world,
here to learn difficult lessons 

to grow
the only part of me that is real.
my spirit cheers me on
to something I can't quite discern,
longing for more grace
blessed as I am
so hopefilled and hopeless.

iii.
what was it we had in mind
between lives
when we planned this midlife transect,
where i would come to learn, again,
an unconditionality so certain
and yet so unresolved
a permeable heaven
an infinity of home
but nowhere simply to lie down
when night comes for sleep.
and the moon is too close.
there is no comfort here.
even the coyotes have each other this night
singing out their lives
beyond the trees across the river
in the dappled dark.