solitude marked the hours,
a gentle procession
of ten thousand moments
of well ordered quiet
then heard my own voice
sob like a betrayed child
...to give up on wanting
that life, that kind of love...
...
what does the spirit gain
by knowing this despair?
i should learn merely to
endure by enduring?
...
you said these were holy
tears, and to mark the day
of coming to the holyself...
but what have i confessed?
self-abandonment?
so far it's only
an admission of
a hopelessness of desire.
i should take on
chastity if only
to assume the piety
of a masked emptiness
...
it is not enough to
play it well, to hear the
music but not to know
where all the songs come from
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