screw good friday.

what on earth am i doing here.

life is stupid ugly.

all that heartbreaking everydayness. why should i care.

 the meanies in this world are big. arrogant. indifferent. 

why go out and get myself killed for loving.

i think that's what happened, actually.

for shit shure he didn't die for people's sins

because Love doesnt do that.

we imperfect ones are who do that.

we kill.

we maim.

we pollute whole oceans and defile the good earth.

we are the only ones capable of being not-God.

God please.

dont make me love people who don't love me.

let me just be skinny and beautiful and perfect

so i don't have to be fat and dumb inside.

so i can love me.

so jesus can still be alive and laughing in this world

without me killing him every time i forget 

that he is in all those other people

and me,

that i am made of the very Love 

that i long for.
i can't bear that.
can't bear it.
Love and Mercy
please be known to me
in the breaking of everyday bread.