held by a child's hand

there were times this year
when you wanted to quit
and some of it was dangerous stuff

such as preparing to be homeless, even looking forward to it,
and rejecting the value of your own life in this culture...
abandoning self

and on a smaller scale but no less deeply felt,
threatening to walk away from the production...
abandoning others

and your foot was almost out the door, but for lili...
you couldn't scar that innocent heart,
even if your life depended on it

and in a way, it did--and still does...
so you stayed on in this difficult world
and remained to play it out on the small stage as well...

i could imagine her eyes wide and full of you
as she sat cross legged on the floor, charmed like a rabbit,
watching her grandfather acting and interacting with the crowd...

and your voice was so animated and full of her,
retelling how she ran to you at the end of the play...
i could see then how it all was...in that moment--

the whole world in a small body,
a source of your being, a take of your measure...
and so love fulfills its purpose

in a child's face that lights up because she loves you
and claims you...a small hand holds you
to life and meaning.

i don't know how the celebrated christmas child will
touch me this year...it gets a little harder each time to see
past the angels and shepherds to get there, to find new meaning...

often what inspired a story about the miraculous birth of jesus
is more easily grasped in a story about saving tiny tim...
it all depends on what you believe jesus was about...

for christians, the light accorded to this child
is the candescence of a savior, the star of human
striving for reconciliation with the divine soul

for the feral christian, it is the same end --
oneness--by different means...by learning to love
and to claim the sacredness in ourselves and others