Wednesday, February 11, 2009

when i am mist
and no longer must pretend to be
just a dusty body in a dusty world
i will smile back at you from within
your own memory
of a rare fine night,
immersed in a stream
running deep between us,
when we not only celebrated
the beauty we share as souls,
in awkward limbs and moments,
but you smiled yes with your eyes


Wormwood's Doxy said...

but you smiled yes with your eyes

Duck---I swear you are inside my head!

You are such an amazing poet...

just another duck on the pond said...

*sigh* i may change it back to that simply because it struck you as right...the image came to me that way first, and then in a rash of editing i heard the word laughter so typeytypey i went...what do you think of the difference? be honest...

Wormwood's Doxy said...

Honey, it's YOUR poem--but if it were *my* poem, I'd go with the first version. ;-)

(That's because there was a moment...a breathtaking, world-shattering moment...with those smiling eyes that changed Every. Fucking. Thing. In. The. Universe.)

Pardon the grammar...

just another duck on the pond said...

i adore your grammar and use it more frequently than i should but it is so effing precise for some moments, eh?

SO the poem is RESURRECTED in its original form, which is a wonderful thing because it feels cleaner than allllllll of that precious editing...and, of course, that's because our first instincts AND ''hearing'' are right the first time :) at least on POEMS

and the last line is italicized just because it should be, don't you think?

Wormwood's Doxy said...

Just right.

just another duck on the pond said...

i just noticed...the shape of this poem could be a side view of an angel. whoa. not intended. what fun.