xiv.
when i am mist
and no longer must pretend to be
just a dusty body in a dusty world
i will smile back at you from within
your own memory
of a rare fine night,
immersed in a stream
running deep between us,
when we not only celebrated
the beauty we share as souls,
in awkward limbs and moments,
but you smiled yes with your eyes
6 comments:
but you smiled yes with your eyes
Duck---I swear you are inside my head!
You are such an amazing poet...
*sigh* i may change it back to that simply because it struck you as right...the image came to me that way first, and then in a rash of editing i heard the word laughter so typeytypey i went...what do you think of the difference? be honest...
Honey, it's YOUR poem--but if it were *my* poem, I'd go with the first version. ;-)
(That's because there was a moment...a breathtaking, world-shattering moment...with those smiling eyes that changed Every. Fucking. Thing. In. The. Universe.)
Pardon the grammar...
i adore your grammar and use it more frequently than i should but it is so effing precise for some moments, eh?
SO the poem is RESURRECTED in its original form, which is a wonderful thing because it feels cleaner than allllllll of that precious editing...and, of course, that's because our first instincts AND ''hearing'' are right the first time :) at least on POEMS
and the last line is italicized just because it should be, don't you think?
Just right.
i just noticed...the shape of this poem could be a side view of an angel. whoa. not intended. what fun.
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